Peter Pan's Lost Boys

The Family Coach and boys.  When I think about boys today I often think of the film Peter Pan. In today's life our boys need a Peter Pan to fight for them and a Wendy to bring them home...safely.

Hmmm!  So, today I was researching some more stuff about boys.  I have read in depth about raising boys and I am a real advocate of men being the leading partner in a loving rather than dominating relationship.  As I single parent I regularly feel the weight of having to do everything and I get really mad about women who rubbish their husbands and partners when the partner seems to be geuinely good, honest, loyal and faithful and trying his level best in todays world of 'the modern man'.

I also beleive young boys need the encouragement of another male, preferably their Dad and one of THE most worrying trends in our neighbourhood is that of underage teenage pregnancy.  I came across yet another 17 year old girl yesterday full of the joys of pregnancy with a Mother who has vowed to stand by her (what else can she do?).  The Father of the unknowing unborn baby, an equally young and naive man and what hope?  Forgive them for they know not what they do!  Another innocent child about to be born out of wedlock and possibly, long term without a Father around.

Now, if that baby is born a girl, well some hope but girls do still need , their Dads love and care and encouragement and if it's a boy, well start at the beginning again.  Boys definately need the encouragement of another male preferably their Dad.  When will young women realise this?  If the Dad is not present then they need strong male relationships for their boys in the form of Uncles,  friends, neighbours, church community, not oodles of other young single Mums in similar situations to hang out with.

Whatever people think and I am a single parent.  Children still fair best in two parent families where they have a a warm and loving relationship with both parents.

Getting back to boys, single mothers mostly underestimate the need for boys to play boisterously, from shoving and pushing to play kick-boxing adn as much rough and tumble as you can give them.  It is Dad's that provide this balance.  Mothers can interpret this behaviour as agression, selfishness and unkindness and feel unsure as to how to respond and boys are left feeling worthless and helpless in learning to behave in a womans world (i.e. under a Mothers rules and demands).  I feel often that my son is looking for the kind of boy play that he needs when he asks me again if I will play action man or power rangers or football.  I so often do and yet I know that I am no substitute for his Father and neither would I want to be.  So often I hear single parents talking about having to be Mum and Dad - why?  Unless Dad has gone to meet his maker hopefully he alive and well and able to be a Father in someway and however small that may be, treasure it, nurture the relationship in your son, no matter what the relationship between you and them.  You see ITS NOT ABOUT YOU!

I feel like a single voice as a woman in this world who really gives a damn about boys and men, for no other reason than I really feel that they are being maginalised. I think that the equality pendulum has swung far to hard in the opposite direction and no wonder we are seeing the rise of organisations like Fathers for Justice (not that Iagree with their approach) but I admire their willingness to stand up and say something.

Even though I am a single parent, one thing I have always insisted on is that my son has plenty of contact with his Father and i will do whatever I possibly can to maintain this contact, even giving up my own weekends with my son at times if it means that he gets extra time with Dad. 

You see in the first seven year of life a boy will be a Mummy's boy, then in the next seven they begin to look to model a male role by copying Dad's behaviour and placing themselves in the male mould.  Then as they rise to teenager they need strong and good male role models in the community to show them the way when they don't feel they can connect with parents so well whilst they find their identity.

The transition from boyhood to manhood to fatherhood is a vital process in our society, one that is best learned from Dad. Let's keep Dad's firmly on the scene offering them involvement and responsibility with their boys (and girls).

If you have an absent Father encourage a relationship with our Father in heaven and pray for protection and guidance for your son every day.

Read Jerimiah 29:11-13 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  then yo will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  you will seek me and find me and when you seek me with all your heart.