Aristotle and why we should fake it 'til we make it

Submitted by tonyplant on December 30, 2005 - 15:44.

I was mauled for my supper last night. Listening to the people around me it seems as if happiness is even less worthy of serious consideration than David Icke’s theories on world government. I was surrounded by people who believe in the virtues of cosmetic surgery as a means of enhancing quality of life and defying our genetic heritage. Yet, when it comes to happiness, the overwhelming consensus was that either one is born happy, or one isn’t and there is nothing that can be done to alter that.

Quoting statistics or books and papers that no-one else has read is not a persuasive strategy for a dinner conversation and I’m belatedly learning that I need to learn another one. I argued that studies by Lykken and others show that we have a happiness set-point that is genetically related, but that this only contributes fifty per cent of our overall happiness level. Of the other fifty per cent, ten per cent depends upon our circumstances and the remaining forty reflects our voluntary actions. So, our behaviour and attitudes have a powerful influence on our happiness levels.

There were the usual cat-calls that alcohol consumption is therefore a significant contribution to happiness. There were derisory comments about the cognitive tyranny of positive thinking that blames the victims of unhappiness for their victimhood rather than attributing it to the blight of poor socio-economic circumstances.

I argued yet again that positive psychology is about far more than positive thinking, it’s about living a life that is fulfilled by the proper use of our character strengths and virtues. The words character and virtues shocked most of those present and were repeated in disbelief. So, I was startled when an Aristotle-quoting Russell Crowe figure entered the fray to support my claim that happiness is a topic that is worthy of our attention, energy and cultivation.

read more | add new comment | Sonja Lyubomirsky | kindness | happystance | happiness | depression | aristotle | alcohol

Learning to be mauled for my supper

Submitted by tonyplant on December 28, 2005 - 19:19.

Many vegetarians and vegans are familiar with that popular dinner-party game, Bait the vegetarian. I’ve always been omnivorous but since developing Happystance I’ve acquired a keen sense of kinship with those who are accustomed to being mauled for their supper.

The first reaction on hearing about Happystance is usually, “Tell us a joke, then!”. Now, I wish I had Monkhouse’s facility with quickfire gags. The reason Kenneth Williams and Peter Ustinov are celebrated as brilliant raconteurs is because the gift of engaging others through story-telling is so unusual. So, I usually reply that we would all enjoy ourselves more if we either had an impromptu game of football or staged our own Singing in the Rain.

A dinner table never seems to be the best setting for explaining the history and scientific research that argue that present happiness consists of three elements: the meaningful life; the engaged life; and the pleasant life. Although listening to other people tell jokes has its contribution to happiness, it is a small one in the overall scheme of our lives.

And yet, a mixed-generation family dinner table is in many ways the perfect setting for a discussion of happiness. It just seems as if pre-conceptions about the frivolous nature of happiness preclude any meaningful discussion. Why bother with tomes on the human condition and the search for happiness if it could all be summed up in an exchange of one-liners?

When asked, “What do you want out of life?”, most people reply, “I want to be happy”. Similarly, when asked what they most wish for their children, most parents say, “I want them to be happy”. Yet, we rarely if ever discuss what form that happiness would take, or what it means to be happy. If my recent experience is anything to go by, then many people are opposed to the notion that happiness is a legitimate goal to pursue. Or they state that the only thing that would make them happy is winning the lottery. Which is overwhelmingly bleak when you consider that you are fourteen times more likely to be murdered than you are to win the lottery jackpot. Does the possibility of happiness really depend on such an implausibility?

read more | add new comment | resilience | happystance | happiness | Authentic Happiness | aristotle | alcohol