Start Thinking About Your New Year's Resolutions

Submitted by tonyplant on December 16, 2006 - 18:05.

It is easy to come up with the same-old, same-old flagellating New Year's Resolutions. Bypass all those pious intentions to go to the gym, follow a seaweed diet and learn a new language.

You form resolutions because you want to make yourself a better person or because you believe that the end state of these resolutions (being fitter or thinner) will make you happy. Stop setting yourself up for failure, head straight for the main goal of making yourself happier.

Decide right now, that you will count your blessings and cultivate gratitude for what is in your life, not what might be in your life if only...Instead of those gruelling fitness tests, examine your character strengths and virtues (take the tests at Authentic Happiness) and decided how you can use them more regularly. You can investigate whether you can enjoy your pleasures rather than take them sadly.

There are many benefits to enjoying your pleasures, appreciation and counting blessings and cultivating your personal strengths. The first three can take as little as a minute at a time. The last needs more planning and reminders to use your strengths but it is equally pleasurable.

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'Tis the season for tension and re-hashing old scores

Submitted by tonyplant on December 10, 2006 - 10:38.

There are lots of kill-joy stories circulating about elderly people being upbraided for asking about the switching-on of the Christmas Lights rather than Winter Lights. And stories about singing services being cancelled for being insufficiently multi-denominational. In the US, some groups have brought successful law suits against towns whose public displays are reportedly too secular. In contrast to these stories, the Guardian has a thoughtful piece that suggests that many of these Grinch stories have little or no basis in fact: The phoney war on Christmas.

Rather than the usual, “the personal is the political”, it seems as if the personal experience is spreading to the political. If your family’s version of holiday spirit has usually been interpreted rather too literally (and liberally), leading to family tension and the annual re-hashing of old scores, then this is your kind of public holiday season. And, by and large, no alcohol has been required, just plain mean-spiritedness.

A friend works for a dictionary publishers and is the go-to person in many circles for linguistic niceties. She and her siblings now have their own families and gather together at her mother’s on set-piece days. A while ago, her mother was watching a reality programme and asked her, “What’s a dysfunctional family?”. In an admirable economy of words, my friend replied, “You know the way we all get on Boxing Day”; her mother nodded, “Well, dysfunctional families are like that the whole year round”.

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Answering "How are you?": counting blessings

Submitted by tonyplant on December 6, 2006 - 15:18.

Apparently, in Latin, you can ask a question that anticipates the answer. So, you use some grammatical forms if you expect the answer ‘No’, and others (presumably), if you expect the answer ‘Yes’. It sounds like an ancient form of mind-games and casts a new light on the art of conversation. But so often, our conversations can be formulaic, and this is especially true when it comes to social comments.

When I worked in Loughborough I was initially taken aback when the response to my polite enquiry, “How are you?”, was met with, “Fair to middling”. I was so accustomed to, “Fine”, that I didn’t know if the correct social action was to overlook it, or to enquire further and run the risk of learning more about IBS or the agonies of an enlarged prostate than I cared to know.

Throughout the UK there are local customs that dictate the answer to the question “How are you?”. I came across an item on blessings and the tricky task of navigating the appropriate answer to this question.

When someone asks me: How are you? 99% of the time I will answer “fine”. In Hebrew, you say, beseder, literally, in order, ok. It’s, “thanks for asking but I don’t need any special consideration right now, I’m ready to proceed”.

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Making a small difference

Submitted by tonyplant on September 24, 2006 - 17:00.

I've just had a lovely note from one of the carers who joined in with a Laughter session I ran in Ealing a few weeks ago. Along with the playful laughter exercises, we talked about some simple things to try to help lift our mood every day. One of them is simply to write down 3 blessings (things that went well) during the day. They can be small things (a stranger smiling "hello!" walking down the street, the smell of a rose, etc.). The trick is just to actively recall a blessing, without denying the stress and strain of the day. Over time this becomes a habit and you naturally realise that life isn't all bad.

Yes, this does sound Pollyanna-ish but for a number of people, including this carer, it can be surprising helpful. She now finds herself walking down the street actively looking out for a blessing. In line with the findings reported by Richard Wiseman in The Luck Factor, more often than not she finds them. She said she is surprised at how much of a difference this is making to her day. She feels happier and less stressed than before.

Of course, this note is a lovely blessing for me to include in my list today. Along with the beautiful Campanulas Sainsbury's were almost giving away this afternoon and the fun of watching a Spaniel trying to jump about 6 feet up a tree as it chased a squirrel in the park (well, fun at least for me, if not the squirrel).

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Wellness for the Lifestyle Challenged

Submitted by tonyplant on June 8, 2006 - 16:43.

Wellness for the lifestyle challenged offers 12 general principles for healthier living. The steps are all the generic advice that is popular in magazines and newspaper sections. I would include the benefit of counting our blessings. However, I particularly approve of the following as it re-iterates my usual theme that laughter is good for you.

Resolve to go out of your way daily to experience humor, lightness, fun, joy--good times by whatever name you prefer. Laughter and assorted pleasures strengthen your immune system, metabolize bad vibes and act in 1001 ways to make your everyday life richer and fuller. Unlike frustrations, setbacks, tragedy and disaster, however, initiative is needed to bring these sensations up beyond the minimal level of occurrences.

Copyright 2006, Tony Plant Happystance Project

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Answering "How are you?": counting blessings

Submitted by tonyplant on December 19, 2005 - 14:27.

Apparently, in Latin, you can ask a question that anticipates the answer. So, you use some grammatical forms if you expect the answer ‘No’, and others (presumably), if you expect the answer ‘Yes’. It sounds like an ancient form of mind-games and casts a new light on the art of conversation. But so often, our conversations can be formulaic, and this is especially true when it comes to social comments.

When I worked in Loughborough I was initially taken aback when the response to my polite enquiry, “How are you?”, was met with, “Fair to middling”. I was so accustomed to, “Fine”, that I didn’t know if the correct social action was to overlook it, or to enquire further and run the risk of learning more about IBS or the agonies of an enlarged prostate than I cared to know.

Throughout the UK there are local customs that dictate the answer to the question “How are you?”. I came across an item on blessings and the tricky task of navigating the appropriate answer to this question.

When someone asks me: How are you? 99% of the time I will answer “fine”. In Hebrew, you say, beseder, literally, in order, ok. It’s, “thanks for asking but I don’t need any special consideration right now, I’m ready to proceed”.

For this simple answer FINE, I have been criticized from two directions.

On the one side is my friend, who if I answer fine, responds: Fine? Fine! Is that all? Just fine? Look at the beautiful world around you, think of the fantastic day ahead, just fine!

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'Tis the season for tension and re-hashing old scores

Submitted by tonyplant on December 18, 2005 - 14:25.

There are lots of kill-joy stories circulating about elderly people being upbraided for asking about the switching-on of the Christmas Lights rather than Winter Lights. And stories about singing services being cancelled for being insufficiently multi-denominational. In the US, some groups have brought successful law suits against towns whose public displays are reportedly too secular.

Rather than the usual, “the personal is the political”, it seems as if the personal experience is spreading to the political. If your family’s version of holiday spirit has usually been interpreted rather too literally (and liberally), leading to family tension and the annual re-hashing of old scores, then this is your kind of public holiday season. And, by and large, no alcohol has been required, just plain mean-spiritedness.

A friend works for a dictionary publishers and is the go-to person in many circles for linguistic niceties. She and her siblings now have their own families and gather together at her mother’s on set-piece days. A while ago, her mother was watching a TV programme and asked her, “What’s a dysfunctional family?”. In an admirable economy of words, my friend replied, “You know the way we all get on Boxing Day”; her mother nodded, “Well, dysfunctional families are like that the whole year round”.

For most of us, happiness is linked to spending non-adversarial time with friends and family. For others, it is avoidance of the festivities and everything associated with it. What can help us to retain our equanimity at this time of year? The solution varies from one individual to another, one family to another and one community to another. But one common thread that runs through observations of people who are happy is that they count their blessings (of which more in a later post).

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