Chronic Illness and Marriage Breakdown

Submitted by tonyplant on October 14, 2006 - 15:05.

I've just come across a discussion of the bleak finding that 75% of marriages break down where chronic illness is present.

Seventy-five percent of marriages where chronic illness is present do not last. That is an overwhelming number to me, and it might be misleading. People divorce for all sorts of reasons, and it doesn't necessarily mean there is a cause and effect relationship between chronic illness and divorce. It could be one of many mitigating factors, but looking at the statistic, it's not possible to weed that out. But certainly between lost income due to sickness, high medical bills, loss of identity, pain, frustration, etc, there are a lot of ways to look at how chronic illness could be implicated in these findings.

I wouldn't be too surprised if chronic illnesses contributes to financial and other social problems that, combined with problems that resemble depression, do make some people feel that their only option is separation. However, with all due respect to the wonderfully nochanlant Sinatra in the picture, I believe that it is rare to "Divorce Your Loved One With Dignity" even if it is etched in stone.

Time after time, the research indicates that marriage is good for people's health and resilience, yet it can be overwhelmed by so many outside forces. I have permission to share some details of a couple I came across when I was running a workshop. The man is separated from his wife (he hopes temporarily) because of their financial problems, brought about in part by the wife's condition. The wife does not yet have any support in place, so he pops in most days to make sure that she is OK and to do things for her because she has no family or friends who are close enough to carry out these chores etc. for her and she has significant mobility and upper-limb problems. The wife is still waiting to be paid any benefit (she was sent the wrong forms and this is taking a long time to rectify). Because the husband once answered the phone to a DWP enquirer when he was over at the house, the couple have been hauled in to be investigated for fraud because this action was deemed to be suspicious - the investigators don't care that there is a note on the wife's case that says to contact her in writing rather than by telephone because she has hearing-loss and doesn't answer the phone. Anyway, it seems that because the husband visits his estranged wife regularly and does chores for her that she can not do, then her claim is seen as invalid. Despite the fact that they are separated and don't live together. The husband broke down when he was telling me this and apparently broke down during the interview. He had even been asked questions about when they had last had sex. Carers really can have a raw deal on so many fronts. I more and more understand why Carers UK questions whether carers have any human rights.

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