Answering "How are you?": counting blessings

Submitted by tonyplant on December 6, 2006 - 15:18.

Apparently, in Latin, you can ask a question that anticipates the answer. So, you use some grammatical forms if you expect the answer ‘No’, and others (presumably), if you expect the answer ‘Yes’. It sounds like an ancient form of mind-games and casts a new light on the art of conversation. But so often, our conversations can be formulaic, and this is especially true when it comes to social comments.

When I worked in Loughborough I was initially taken aback when the response to my polite enquiry, “How are you?”, was met with, “Fair to middling”. I was so accustomed to, “Fine”, that I didn’t know if the correct social action was to overlook it, or to enquire further and run the risk of learning more about IBS or the agonies of an enlarged prostate than I cared to know.

Throughout the UK there are local customs that dictate the answer to the question “How are you?”. I came across an item on blessings and the tricky task of navigating the appropriate answer to this question.

When someone asks me: How are you? 99% of the time I will answer “fine”. In Hebrew, you say, beseder, literally, in order, ok. It’s, “thanks for asking but I don’t need any special consideration right now, I’m ready to proceed”.

For this simple answer FINE, I have been criticized from two directions.

On the one side is my friend, who if I answer fine, responds: Fine? Fine! Is that all? Just fine? Look at the beautiful world around you, think of the fantastic day ahead, just fine!

And you know my friend is right. Fine is not a good enough way to greet the day. I could be more appreciative, more in touch with the blessings of everyday life.

I was especially tickled by the discussion of appropriateness and timing of the social v. the authentic answer and although I am biologically destined never to have to endure a C-section, I think that I understand the writer’s point about the timing of her anaesthetist’s rabbinic consultation here...

And, I have to admit, I had no idea that it was part of anyone’s religious tradition to recite 100 blessings everyday! When talking about happiness and resilience, we do encourage people to reflect on their blessings everyday. Some people have a hard time coming up with any blessings. Others are overflowing with a sense of abundance in their lives and their gratitude for friends and family.

At the Happystance event that I ran last Saturday, the people there came up with a stream of blessings. It was a village set amidst the splendours of the Lake District. Several of te women stated that they were grateful that they had such a beautiful, safe place to walk: a number mentioned that they had walked up a local hill, early that morning. Some of the men were grateful for the fellowship that they found at the centre where the carers' group held their events. One of the couples extolled the virtues of living in their local commmunity: explaining that the village "wrapped you in its arms and helped you without being instrusive".

Several of the family groups there were grateful that the Rural Arts group brought so many affordable music and theatre performances to them (there was live music during the lunch that punctuated the event). Others praised the many local events in the village and the vibrant social life for those who wanted to participate: the many music groups (recorder, woodwind, singing, guitar), Carol Concerts, regular coffee mornings and afternoon teas.

On Saturday, I met somebody who had participated in a previous workshop. She told me that ever since the earlier event, she spent part of everyday, looking for things that she enjoyed or for which she was grateful. She said that everyday, she found something that she considered a blessing. She reported that although her financial and other circumstances hadn't changed, she did feel more able to contain the misery from some parts of her life and prevent it from contaminating the parts that she could enjoy.

The article I’ve mentioned gives a good starting point for many of the blessings that I tend to take for granted and forget that they would be seen as great fortune in many parts of the world.

Copyright 2006, Tony Plant Happystance Project

Attachment	Size
gpl.jpg	109.41 KB

resilience | happystance | happiness | blessings