Answering "How are you?": counting blessings

Submitted by tonyplant on December 19, 2005 - 14:27.

Apparently, in Latin, you can ask a question that anticipates the answer. So, you use some grammatical forms if you expect the answer ‘No’, and others (presumably), if you expect the answer ‘Yes’. It sounds like an ancient form of mind-games and casts a new light on the art of conversation. But so often, our conversations can be formulaic, and this is especially true when it comes to social comments.

When I worked in Loughborough I was initially taken aback when the response to my polite enquiry, “How are you?”, was met with, “Fair to middling”. I was so accustomed to, “Fine”, that I didn’t know if the correct social action was to overlook it, or to enquire further and run the risk of learning more about IBS or the agonies of an enlarged prostate than I cared to know.

Throughout the UK there are local customs that dictate the answer to the question “How are you?”. I came across an item on blessings and the tricky task of navigating the appropriate answer to this question.

When someone asks me: How are you? 99% of the time I will answer “fine”. In Hebrew, you say, beseder, literally, in order, ok. It’s, “thanks for asking but I don’t need any special consideration right now, I’m ready to proceed”.

For this simple answer FINE, I have been criticized from two directions.

On the one side is my friend, who if I answer fine, responds: Fine? Fine! Is that all? Just fine? Look at the beautiful world around you, think of the fantastic day ahead, just fine!

And you know my friend is right. Fine is not a good enough way to greet the day. I could be more appreciative, more in touch with the blessings of everyday life.

I was especially tickled by the discussion of appropriateness and timing of the social v. the authentic answer and although I am biologically destined never to have to endure a C-section, I think that I understand the writer’s point about the timing of her anaesthetist’s rabbinic consultation here...

And, I have to admit, I had no idea that it was part of anyone’s religious tradition to recite 100 blessings everyday! When talking about happiness and resilience, we do encourage people to reflect on their blessings everyday. Some people have a hard time coming up with any blessings. Others are overflowing with a sense of abundance in their lives and their gratitude for friends and family. The article I’ve mentioned gives a good starting point for many of the blessings that I tend to take for granted and forget that they would be seen as great fortune in many parts of the world.

Copyright 2005, Tony Plant Happystance Project

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