Auld Angst Whine

Submitted by tonyplant on December 31, 2005 - 14:37.

New Year tends to be a set-piece review date. A time for introspection on how we can improve our lives. An opportunity for reflecting on the past year and realising that we achieved everything that we wanted, and more. Or we confront ourselves with our failure to follow through on any of the plans and actions that we thought might bring us greater happiness and fulfilment.

 

Emotional self-flagellation makes it hard to view the up-coming year with optimism, so for some people New Year is an opportunity to re-visit the angst of past years. There is the usual laundry-list of unspecified goals such as losing weight, getting fit, earning more money. We hope that these things might make us happier despite the research that says, “Not necessarily”.

However, does this ritual introspection actually do us any good? Theodore Roethke robustly dismissed it:

Self-contemplation is a curse

That makes an old confusion worse.

There are few “Eureka!” moments that arise from pitiless self-assessment and rumination. Research by Susan Nolen-Hoeksema shows that when people are depressed, rumination just worsens their mood. Trite though it sounds, if we focus on the negative in our lives, we sink into a state from which it is difficult to recover motivation and energy. Rumination can suffocate our ability to come up with solutions for our predicaments. Nolen-Hoeksema reports that even when ruminators come up with a solution (such as joining a bereavement support group) they fail to follow through on their intention.

However, Nolen-Hoeksema’s research with Sonja Lyubomirsky shows that if we choose to think about even mundane topics (cloud shapes or watching a fan rotate) our mood improves. The distraction diverts us from focusing on problems, self-blame and our low self-esteem. Some people distract themselves from the rumination cycle with meditation, prayer or listening to music. The researchers suggest that other cycle breakers can include: reappraising our negative perception of events and our expectations of others; letting go of unhealthy or unattainable goals and creating several sources of self-esteem.

Rumination concentrates on the self but there is usually a morass of resentment (or even hatred) of others and their achievements, actions or their lack of support. Staying in this morass consumes a surprising amount of energy and prevents us from carrying out those actions that might improve our happiness levels and our lives. One way of reclaiming this energy is through forgiveness: and The Forgiveness Project offers some startling stories on the value of forgiveness on all levels, from the individual, familial and community through to the international.

As I learned recently, Aristotle said that we become the person we want to be by practising those qualities that we want. We don’t become what we want to be through self-reflection and its usual side-order of analysis-paralysis. Perhaps we can profitably use our ritual introspection time by forgiving ourselves for not meeting the burdens we shrugged on to our backs last year at this same time. And then moving on to behave like the people that we want to be.

Copyright 2005, Tony Plant Happystance Project

Theodore Roethke | rumination | optimism | Nolen-Hoeksema | new year | happiness | Aritstotle